Since the birth of browns mill....

I received this email from Tim that went out to our church this morning. Here is what has been happening at browns mill!

Did you know that in the first month since browns mill church has been gathering on Sunday's, as well as in villages, we have seen God move in huge ways?

Personal financial needs have been met...
Addictions have been overcome...
People have talked to neighbors for the first time ever...
People have hung out with non-Christians for the first time in a long time (or ever!)...
We have discovered that the more we reach out, the deeper our relationships go with other Christ-followers...
God-curious people have asked questions...
Prayers of healing have been offered...
Two villages are ready to divide into five villages in about a month...
Disconnected Christ-followers have said they cannot wait for our Sunday gatherings and village times...
Kids have been begging their parents to buy them Bibles...
Kids have been memorizing Scripture and are loving it...
Community needs have been met...
Your giving has met all our normal operating expenses...
All the startup finances needed came in...
We just gave to our first global missions project...
We have given over $3,000 to put toward future community projects and needs...
Almost all of us have become completely uncomfortable as we are learning how to reach people through living in biblical community...
God has revealed Himself in new ways through our journey in Luke...
We know the difference between missional (called to go) and incarnational (how we go)...
A life-long Christ-follower recently said, "I am seeing the gospel for the first time!"...
The gospel has taken on new meaning for so many of us...
We have clearly heard Jesus say to us, "Follow me" and we're actually trying to do it...
...and more!

And it's only the beginning!

Our God Saves!

I have been struggling the past couple of weeks. All I have been asking God for is relief from the drama. I am tired of the challenges. I want to focus on others not my difficulty! I have so often times encouraged others with saying “just trust God”. I am trusting but weary. Living in constant unknown is frustrating and it's wearing me out. I have no idea how God is going to provide for us but I know He will. It's not that I am not trusting Him, I am just tired. I don't want to be consumed by all the uncertainty. I am clinging to my God that saves. He doesn't just save me from an eternity apart from Him, He saves me every moment of every day. What would I do without him? I was talking with a good friend this morning about the difference between a Christ follower and a good religious person. A person that doesn't have Jesus has nothing to cling to...no hope. I have Jesus and even though life is a struggle right now, I have hope! I have assurance and comfort in the only sure thing! I would have no idea what I would do without this relationship. Life isn't easy and we are going to be challenged time after time but what I feel in my spirit is REAL. And I know if I choose to live in the power of the Holy Spirit, He will accomplish in me whatever purpose He has set into motion. Pray for our family...we need strength to get through this uncertain time. Our God saves!

I'm Back!

It has been so long since I have blogged. Partly because life has been the craziest and busiest it has ever been. I am a person that is into details...no matter what it is about. I don't know how to even have a conversation without giving out details. When so much is going on in my life at the moment I tend to not blog because there are just too many details. I am overwhelmed with what I should even write. When I last blogged I was license-less. All that finally got straightened out but not without a battle. See this is where I want to give out all the details. But I am going to refrain. Actually, I would rather not have to re-live that moment in time. I now have my license. I thought once that mess was over life could then go back to normal. My new normal is now not routine based.

Browns mill church weekly gatherings started on March 15. Wow...if I gave out the details on just this experience it would be pages long! It has been amazing so far. I feel so incredibly blessed to have a community of friends that are about this mission. It is not typical for church planters to be surrounded by such great people when you first get started. It is usually a process. And often times church planters feel lonely and weary. We may have challenges in other areas but I feel blessed that so many people are committed to working alongside of us! There have been a number of moments that I personally have been overwhelmed and weary but that moment passed. I can't explain how much we know that God wants this to all happen. So when those tiring moments came the huge sense of calling would sweep over us. One of the reason God sent us the Holy Spirit is to encourage us. So many people involved have told us that they feel like they are becoming spiritually alive for the first time. I have known Jesus almost my whole life yet it is all starting to become crystal clear. It feels like we are on the brink of something so cutting edge yet it is ancient! God is working in us, around us, through us...and when that happens there is an excitement about life that is contagious!

Unfortunately, the enemy knows this. He is feeling so threatened lately. I know this because I am fighting him off constantly. We are in a time of complete transition. Currently, we do not have a regular paying job. We are sharing one car. And we are getting ready to move across town. If I focus on all these areas I easily become anxious and stressed. It often feels like every single area of my life has been made unsure, unclear and unknown. Pray for our family. I know God is going to provide I would just love to know how. This is all part of our story, our journey. I would love the drama to tone down a bit! I want to be focused on others not on our situations. Here is where our faith is going to show. I am now dependent on God to supply ALL our needs...the car, the house, income....

In the midst of the craziness is peace. This is what the world is searching for. I could become sick over worry or I can allow God to do His thing. People are now looking at us to display this unspeakable peace only Jesus can give. If they are ever going to want this Jesus we say gives us this peace, then we have to have that peace! By the way, that is why I chose this picture up at the top. I can't stand pictures of myself. But the setting there that day was so peaceful. The weather was great and the water so still. We were just simply enjoying the day.

Pray that we will overcome the temptation to doubt that God is in EVERY aspect of our lives.

Today

This was not a typical day. In fact, I'm not sure I have ever been so stressed out in one day. I know, I know..give all your worries to God. Well I did. I had to do that a number of times. Here is why:

I was so excited about this day. Things are moving full speed ahead with browns mill church. I have stepped into the leadership role heading up the children's ministry. I have so many things to say about that but that will be for another post. All I can talk about is today. So today was going to be the first staff meeting. I was really looking forward to it. I had a babysitter lined up and I was on my way to drop Jake off and head to the meeting. Here is where it gets fun. I am going to just tell bits and pieces, otherwise this post will be too long.

• I get pulled over for not coming to a COMPLETE stop at the stop sign about a mile away from my house. I admit it's true. The officer said he watched the 3 people in front of me do the same thing so he decided to pull me over. (In my defense, I didn't run the stop sign..I did the stop and slowly roll.) But I deserved the ticket that I have yet to find out how much it is for.

• He takes my license and goes back to his patrol car. I'm waiting and waiting...with Jake screaming his head off for this or that. He finally comes back and tells me that my license has been canceled since 2007!!! I promised him that I didn't know. It was a misunderstanding about my social security number still being linked to my maiden name. I thought I had sent the form in a long time ago. But then thought that since I have been in constant, steady transition from moving..jobs..children, etc..that it may have fallen through the cracks. The problem is that I had gotten my Georgia license in 2007 and they didn't even mention to get this taken care of! You would think they would at least warn me that my license was going to be canceled.

• He asks me if someone can come drive me home. I call Tim. At this point I have lost it. I'm waiting for Tim for about 20 min. and him and Kevin pull up. Tim drives me home and Kevin drives Tim's car.

• As you have figured out, staff meeting is canceled and now the rest of the morning is filled with phone calls trying to figure out how to get this mess straightened out today. Was on hold with social security for 20 minutes while Jake is screaming. The dog is peeing and pooping in the house.

• After an hour of phone calls and gathering information Tim calls and says he got some tickets for him and Kevin to go to a church planting conference and they will need to leave tonight. So....he said we will go pick up the kids from school early, go to the social security office and then to the DMV to get my new license.

• More frustrated than ever, I burn what felt like several layers of skin off my finger while hurrying to make pasta for lunch. Jake falls down and cries needing to be held for 10 minutes.

• We get to their school and they couldn't find Summer's class. They had decided to take an extra recess so it took them an extra 20 minutes just to locate them.

• Finally we are off. We get to the ss office and the room of people is overflowing. I wait and wait while Tim is in the van with the kids. Spanish spoken all around me for an hour.

• A teenage girl sitting in front of me breaks out into seizures. Paramedics arrive shortly. She ends up being fine but they took her to the hospital.

• FINALLY! My number is called. After seeing my information the lady tells me that my marriage license will not be sufficient because it is a copy and not the original. She then tells me that I need to also have the certified marriage license application mailed to me as well. Gee...would have helped if the lady on the phone had told me this when I asked!!!

• Back home all for nothing.

• We call the Ohio probate court to find out that in order to get this information, we need to write a letter requesting this and also send a $3 check with a self addressed stamped envelope.

• We do this as fast as we can before the mail gets here. We didn't make it in time. Tim takes it to mail it out somewhere else.

• Emotions are flying, kids are fighting...and hungry. I have a missing vital ingredient for dinner. Ended up calling Pizza Hut.

• I am now stuck without a drivers license for who knows how long. The kind policeman said if I drive I will go to jail. I have to get back the marriage license application, find our original marriage license, go back to social security and get my new card and then go get my driver's license. It hasn't all really sunk in yet.
  

I left out some other stuff but that was my day! I knew I had to write this one down. I know I will look back on this down the road and laugh but it may take a while! I mean, nothing flowed. And every time I turned around it was a catastrophe! My eyes have no tears left. And how strange is it going to be to not drive?? I will be stuck in the house! I just can't believe all this! Maybe this is what everyone talks about when you have opposition?? Lord help me!

I am Naive!!

I am naive. Almost every reaction I have gotten from people whether it be close friends or acquaintances is “Are you ready to be a pastor's wife? I could never....”. I find this interesting. Women say that they just wouldn't be able to live up to the standards, hear people ridicule their husband, the time commitment, energy it would take, have their kids under the scope, etc. Well, here is my reaction to that.

I didn't dream of being a pastor's wife as a child. I am new at this. We are at the very beginning of a lifetime of being church planters. So again, I will repeat that I am just naive. I'm sure I will speak with greater wisdom down the road a bit but here is what I see now. I have heard about the challenges and we have even started to feel some of them. We expect to experience some hard times the same as anyone else. Being mission minded is living a life out of your comfort zone. I am having to make some difficult changes in this area. I know I tend to look at the glass half full but why does everyone make the assumption that life is going to be so hard? I know it won't be easy to be in this role but I am encouraged by knowing that Jesus is with me. It seems so elementary to say that but it's true!

To pursue Jesus means we will sometimes be uncomfortable. Life is messy because people are in it. If you care about following Jesus then that means you get involved with people's lives that are messy. I realize that as a pastor's wife my hands are going to get dirty. But it shouldn't be any different for you. I am doing the same thing as you should be...getting involved with people. How else are people going to know who Jesus is?

As far as standards go, I am going to do the best I can but not because anyone is watching but because it is a conviction of mine to live like Jesus. I have an out of control 3 year old. My 5 year old son comes home from school with a report of a sad face for talking too much or for pushing someone in P.E. I get mad at my husband for not paying enough attention to me. I am often times lonely. I will not read my Bible because I don't feel like it. I am often frustrated at our financial situation. My dirty laundry list could go on and on. Does any of this sound familiar?

I am just like anyone else. So if you are going to be a part of browns mill church you may be disappointed that this is not the pastor's wife you envisioned. But the truth is, this is pretty much how all pastor's wives are, people just have a big misconception. I don't mean to downplay this role. I am just trying to make a point that we have the same struggles but may have different types of challenges. With all my crud and inadequacies, Jesus is in the midst of it all. He is changing me into a woman that is more like Him. I have a heart for people to know this Jesus that I know. So I may not be perfect but I am available. I think that is what God wants, an available heart to invade. As a pastor's wife I will constantly be needing to be in the Word and praying. I desire for people to feel that they can come to me not just for godly advice but because they KNOW I will pray and make them a priority. Life will get busy and crazy times are ahead. But as a Christ follower we will have the same ultimate goals.

So just pray for me in this role. It is significant and I am humbled that God would allow me to be a part of all this at all. I am naive enough to think that things are not the same for everyone and that being a pastor's wife doesn't have to have a negative ring to it. I do believe we have a chance to raise awesome kids despite the reputation that PK kids often have. I believe my marriage can be strong despite various time commitments. I believe we could look back years from now excited about what God has done not weary and burnt out. I believe I can have strong, lifelong friendships and relationships despite the ups and downs of who comes and goes at our church. I believe I will have an unspeakable joy in the midst the trials. I don't say all these things because I am just trying to think positive. I am saying them because this will be the outcome if you pray for me. And I am also a little naive!

Surrender or RUN!!

The past couple of days have been surreal. On Sunday morning Tim preached at a local church of a friend: www.wellspringsenoia.com/ But the thing we have been praying, fasting and anticipating happened last night. It was our first core group meeting of browns mill church. It was awesome. I was in awe of the people that showed up. There were both familiar and unfamiliar faces. Kevin, Suzanne, Jessica and Peter led us in worship and then Tim came up and shared the vision God has given him for browns mill church. It was a vision that hasn't just come to be in the past 6 months. It was an unrealized vision that God had been stirring for years. But now is the time to act on it!

The word surrender can be scary at times. In my mind it would mean uncharted waters, complete trust, lack of being in control...you get the idea. The dictionary says it means to give up or abandon. For so many years I was afraid of surrendering to God's call to start a church. I am just like any woman, I like stability! And starting a church from scratch was the furthest thing from stability I could think of. I watched Tim struggle time after time over what his specific purpose was. So many times we would be making a fair amount of money, have a nice home, had our wonderful children, belong to great churches, and had great friends.

But something was off and we just couldn't put our finger on it. Within this past year I finally knew what that "something" was. It was surrender. Giving up what we think makes sense and pursuing God's plan. And sure enough I have watched Tim's unsettledness turn into passion. You know that saying, "If momma ain't happy, nobody's happy"? Well the same thing could be said about the head of the home. If he isn't fulfilling what and who God created him to be, then something will always be off.

It may seem easier to keep running away because of fear but take it from me, someone who has been there, surrender brings an unexplainable peace and joy. No matter what the circumstances are, when you are living out your unique purpose you will feel settled. And the feeling of settled or at peace is that special something the world is looking for. I was encouraged last night looking around the room. I felt like these people are running towards something great with open arms, not running away because of fear. So, today I surrender my fears, failures, and inadequacies, and run toward the Saviour that brings fulfillment. Oh, and I will have to do this daily!

Just Love...

Today I took Summer and Micah to go see the movie "Bolt". There was a nice movie before the movie with Tow Mater...Micah really enjoyed that! He has been absolutely crazy about "Cars" since he saw it when he was 3. Now he is 5 and I am frustrated that they still haven't come out with a "Cars 2". Anywho, we got 5 min. into the "Bolt" movie and my kids felt like it was too intense and scary. Wanting to avoid nightmares tonight, we left and of course I was pretty upset that I just spent money to see a 10 min. clip of a cars movie. So as we were walking out we decided to jump in the "Marley and Me" movie that was right next door. I wanted to see it anyway after seeing previews. I am still in awe of what a great movie it was! It has been so long since I have appreciated a great movie. We laughed hysterically and then ended up crying uncontrollably. It hit too close to home. I mean, watching that movie was almost like watching my own life (minus the fact that I don't look like Jennifer Aniston :( and the fact that God is not in their lives). But besides that..so many things lined up. We have had crazy dogs and we currently have a 9 week old puppy.

What is staying with me is how much dogs really impact your life. Not everyone's life..some can't stand dogs or don't want pets. That's fine if that is not your thing. But for someone that absolutely loves their dog and feels like their dog is a part of your family, you will need to bring an entire box of tissues if you see the movie.

My favorite part was the very end. They were saying Dogs just love. They don't care if you are rich or poor. They are just there loving you unconditionally. Wouldn't it be nice if people were more like that? God must have given us dogs to show us what it is like to really love people. No pretenses, just love. Not selfishness, just love. Not hurtful, just love. If only we could love like that as humans. Enjoy your loved ones while they are here...just love.